Letter from Israel

The Dating Game: Atlanta vs. Israel

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By Benji Lovitt

 

When the opportunity presented itself to write an article for Julep, I was thrilled. Especially when I discovered the theme for the month to be relationships. After being "out there" in the dating scene for more than 10 years post-university, surely I can impart some wisdom unto the Atlanta Jewish community, right? Right? Hmm É perhaps this will be tougher than expected.

When I lived in Atlanta a few years back, it was easy enough.

• Step 1: Meet girl at neighbor's house, organized Jewish event, or random party.
• Step 2: Drive to Post Briarcliff to pick up Jane Jew.
• Step 3: Dine at restaurant in Virginia-Highland.
• Step 4: Drop off in hopes of second date.

Simplified? Yes. But surely everyone who lived in Atlanta in the early 2000s relates.

Dating today?

• Step 1: Meet girl.
• Step 2: Race home, look up on Facebook.

When I lived in Atlanta, the "research Web site" of choice was Google. No longer. I moved to Tel Aviv last year and have watched the number of Facebook users in Israel skyrocket from 18,000 in August to more than 315,000 today. You don't need to be Pythagoras to do this math:

Jewish geography + Online social networking = Unprecedented level of stalking.

In the old days, when I asked out Jane Jew, I knew that we were separated by one or two degrees. Now? Not only do I expect a tight circle, I know that I'm connected to Jane through Debra, and that they met at Havinagala (thank you, Facebook!). Not to mention that Jane knows everything about me. Details from who my friends are to my affinity for the '80s sitcom Perfect Strangers. (Should I be worried that she knows this? Is this why I'm still single? Let's just move on.)

Here in Tel Aviv, the "Anglo community," made up primarily of Americans and Brits, is tight. Meet someone new at a party, and rest assured that you know at least three of his/her close friends. "Did I go on a date with your friend Shira? Umm ... are you sure it wasn't another Benji? What's that? There ARE no other Benji's in Israel?" Crikey. Better not burn any bridges in 2008.

So what can dating novices fall back on? There's always JDate. It was easy to figure out in Atlanta. Write your essays (Guys: I like to work hard, play hard. Girls: I'm as comfortable in a pair of jeans as I am in a cocktail dress), put up pictures that do not look like you, and hope for responses.

JDate in Tel Aviv?

This is a learning experience. After I filled out my new-and-improved profile, ready to take the Israeli ladies by storm, my friend Ofra informed me that I was going to send confusing messages if I didn't make changes.

Advertise that you go to shul once in a while in Atlanta? Probably not closing any doors. Daven weekly here? To a largely secular population, you might be putting out a different vibe than intended, something between "I am more religious than the average Tel Avivi" and "I wear a black hat and look like a member of ZZ Top."

Of course, the biggest difference in dating between Atlanta and Israel should shatter any myth that "everybody in Israel is Jewish so it must be so EASY!"

Sample encounters:

• Atlanta Joe: "Hey, I'm Jewish."
• Atlanta Jane: "No way, me too!"
• Tel Aviv Benji: "Hello, nice Israeli lady — I'm Jewish!"
• Tel Aviv Osnat: "Take a number, loser. So are the other 6 million people."

While being Jewish in the States gets you in the door of a small club, in Israel it's not interesting. For that, find the other Anglos.

• "Hey, I'm American!"
• "Hey, I'm an American TOO! God, I miss Waffle House!"

So what have we learned? Dating always will be a challenge, and you'll survive longer if you have a sense of humor. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to run. Hooters Israel just opened outside Tel Aviv. The waitresses are JEWISH!!! I hope they're on Facebook.

Benji Lovitt is a stand-up comic and writer. While his apartment is in Tel Aviv, part of his heart remains in Atlanta. You can read about his hilarious immigrant perspective of Israel at www.whatwarzone.com and see his stand-up comedy at www.benjilovitt.com.

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