Benji Lovitt

Eat Your Heart Out, MARTA

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By Benji Lovitt

 

Hello, my loyal readers — we're back with more fun adventures from Israel with this month's theme of Travel. Who doesn't love to get the heck out of Dodge once in a while? Shaking your life up with a trip can be exhilarating.

Step 1: Choose a travel partner. Make sure you have shared goals.

• Benji: "Man, I need a break from this place. Let's get OUT of here."
• Friend: "HECK, yeah! Let's go to Athens!"

Step 2: Find new friends.

No offense to Marc Richt and Bulldog Nation, but when I say travel, I'm thinking planes and bags.

Many of my most thrilling trips have been to Israel. And as amazing and rewarding as the Israel experience is, the adventure actually begins not at the Kotel, but at the El Al ticket counter. I always wonder, where do they get these questions from?

• Manly Security Dude: "Ehhh. How you know Hebrew?"
• Benji: "Um … Sunday school."
• MSD: "You have bar-meetzvah?"
• B: "Yes, I did."
• MSD: "You have sees-tehr?"
• B: (confused) "Uh … yeah … why?"
• MSD: (grinning) "I am seeeeeeen-gel!"

OK, back off, buddy. And I don't like your suspicious package.

It's such a specific skill, this asking of the questions. What are these people like at home, like with their families?

• "Boker tov, keeds. Ehhh … did you pack your own lunch? What is the purpose of your visit?"
• "Aba! It's the bathroom! LEMME IN!!!!!"

Nothing gets past these guys.

And once you arrive in Israel . . . wow. What more can be said? Such tremendous history. I always felt a little embarrassed comparing heritage with our Israeli brothers and sisters. I remember visiting Atlanta's sister city on a Federation mission in 2003, eating lunch at the absorption center in Yokneam. I was terrified this conversation might unfold.

• "So, ehhh, how your treep been so far?"
• "Oh, wonderful, we did the Kotel tunnels, the Chagall Windows, Tel Aviv. It's been amazing!"
• "That is great. So tell us about Atlanta. What you have there?"
• "Well, there's the uh . . . ummm . . . (clearing throat) . . . Big Chicken."

How do you explain THAT? Umm, you don't. Let's move on.

Israel's great. But as I got older, I found myself wanting to see more. In 2004, I took a trip to France. Just one more note about Israelis: They travel more than just about anyone in the world. They know how to enjoy life and have fun, be it in South America, India or Thailand. I've always had a little daydream of taking off to a faraway country, meeting a group of Israelis, and making them laugh with my sophisticated repertoire of Hebrew slang and dirty words.

So there I was, traveling solo in Paris, when I came upon a couple of tourists.

Hey, a guidebook in Hebrew — where might they be from? I strolled up to them with the unabashed enthusiasm of a teenager at his first high school dance. "Atem m'Yisrael?" Direct translation: "Are you from Israel?" Indirect translation: "I am a major dweeb. Please ignore me." They did.

I was not to be deterred. Only a few months ago, I had the opportunity to meet my parents in Berlin, just a few hours by plane from Israel. To my surprise, the German capital was stunning, a city rebuilt after World War II and the fall of the Berlin Wall. The historical elephant in the room was hauled off upon my arrival as I was pleased to see how friendly the people were and how modern, sleek and Western the city was.

One afternoon my parents and I came across a couple of ladies carrying a guidebook in, yes, Hebrew. Would I fare any better than last time, having lived in Tel Aviv for a year as a fellow Israeli citizen?

• Benji: "Mah koreh?" (What's happening?)
• Ladies: "Shalom." (Shalom.)

This time, my confidence served me well. We talked for a few minutes, exchanging questions about our lives, where we lived and what brought a few Jews to visit such a dark place in our history. It was a wonderful feeling — thousands of miles from the States and Israel, proud and strong Jews, speaking the language of our people.

So take a trip, folks. I highly recommend it. The Big Chicken's supposed to be nice this time of year.

Benji Lovitt is a stand-up comic and writer. While his apartment is in Tel Aviv, part of his heart remains in Atlanta. You can read about his hilarious immigrant perspective of Israel at www.whatwarzone.com and see his stand-up comedy at www.benjilovitt.com.

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