Relationships

Valentine's Tips for the Men

By Rachel Pomerance

If you are single on Valentine's Day, be grateful. Why? You will not become crestfallen over all the things your mate didn't think to do. Valentine's Day is practically a recipe for let-downdom. An inane holiday meant to give us something to do during the doldrums of February, it actually adds to the gloom by launching mythic expectations.

That said, if you are not single and you choose to celebrate the event dictating romantic love by the powers that be, I have a few recommendations, which I'll gear toward the men since women are the ones who tend to get wrapped up in the day.

1. Make it personal. Yes, every woman with a heartbeat adores flowers and chocolate. But it's much more moving and exponentially more thoughtful to offer a gift that speaks to her soul. So, if the woman is a budding artist, you could treat her to a tin of crayons and charcoal and offer yourself as a model. Let's say she loves birdwatching or wine-drinking, give her a set of classes on the hobby that the two of you can enjoy together. This mode of gift-giving is a double honor because you're nurturing her hobby and taking part in her interest.

2. Take a lesson from the masters of romance Ð the French. If we all lived in Paris, we might assemble a bottle of red wine, a loaf of bread, cheese and chocolate, and join our sweeties for a stroll along the Seine until hunger strikes or dusk sets in or the low hum of a nearby saxophone urges us to settle in beside the water. Wait a minute, that sounds like summer. I forgot that it's February. It doesn't matter. Paris is romantic because it's so darn beautiful and the people know how to eat and dress. So find a place that you think is beautiful and go there to feel elevated and transfixed, while you both dress up, eat well and maybe take in some culture so you feel elevated and transfixed. Or watch a French flick.

3. Block out some time for peace and quiet. Rather than hustle to a crowded dinner, stay in or find a private place so it's just about the two of you.

4. Laugh together. Find a comedy club or a silly movie or a story you can tell to make your partner laugh. The only thing better than laughing is laughing with someone.

5. If you have it in you, and surely you do, nothing ever, ever, ever beats a good old-fashioned love letter.

6. Don't save all this for Valentine's Day. Live your life romantically.

Finally, nothing is more depressing than dating the wrong person. I recently remembered a sage comment about relationships from a rabbi. Unfortunately, I don't know who he is, and it would be kind of weird for me to track down the person who relayed the rabbi's comment to me. So sorry for not properly sourcing this, but alas, here's the gist of it:

"When you're looking for a relationship, don't ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with him or her, ask yourself: Am I the person, with him or her, that I want to spend the rest of my life with?" I love that.

Happy dating! You can reach me at rpomerance@gmail.com.

Happy dating!