Relationships

Seize Your Destiny

By Rachel Pomerance

Dear friends,

I am recently back from the most glamorous vacation of my life — a road trip up the rugged California coast with a beloved girlfriend. With a week together to explore the terrain, listen to a book on tape (short stories from The New Yorker, but they ended up too depressing) and talk and talk some more, we happened upon this age-old question: When it comes to attracting a mate, how much of it is in our control? The answer, of course, depends on one's faith or philosophy. "Seize your destiny!" a wise and lovely uncle once told me when I moved to New York years ago, as if one's life is a tree of options, the flavor of which depends on the low-hanging fruit you choose to pluck.

Well, these topics are always up for argument. But as my friend and I laid out our plans and dreams alongside cliffs and vineyards and ropy trees, we found exhilaration in taking control. So, to the point of letting ambition triumph over complacency, I offer you this column.

From a reader:
I'M 50 and STILL SINGLE IN ATLANTA!
How can a 50-year-old with looks, wit, character and education stay single in Atlanta? So many of us in the middle ages of our lives, say 39 to 59, are struggling to conquer this conundrum. We are a large segment of the Jewish community — and largely ignored. Ironically, we are growing and groaning simultaneously.

What I observe is most staying in their little corners of the metro area, moaning and complaining about the lack of opportunity, or the available "choices," but never coming collectively to the center of the situation to do anything to change it. I see our growing numbers as a wonderful opportunity for even more events, lectures, parties, get-togethers of all kinds. I welcome all of you and your comments (and would) help to facilitate activities of interest. Let's make Atlanta a dynamic city to be 50 and single!

Feel free to call me, Lori Nelson, at (770) 421-0579.

Thank you so much, Lori, for raising this issue and for volunteering to help enrich the landscape for singles in Atlanta. You will be delighted to know that, in addition to the Marcus JCC's program for singles over 45 and Rabbi Efraim Davidson's My Own BackYard, there's a new outlet. Dave Savage, 57, and Elissa Terris, 59, have started a monthly social group where games and potluck dinners create a place for schmoozing.

It's less of a program, more of a hangout. Savage, a volunteer organizer, and Terris, who plans programs for older singles at Temple Kol Emeth, have in mind a broad-based, low-pressure network for "any and all Jewish singles age 45 and older," Terris says. Attendance is not about "coming to find the love of your life," but to provide a social club, "a night out," for a cohort with much in common — when playing Trivial Pursuit, for example, answers to questions from a certain era come easier than others. But above all, there's the camaraderie, and celebration, of singlehood at a certain age.

"Most of us got here kicking and clawing," Terris says, but have ultimately arrived at a place of comfort and contentedness.

For more information, e-mail dave@davesavage.com or elissaterris@kolemeth.net.

You can reach me at rpomerance@gmail.com.

Happy dating!